Tag: Humor

Why is Six Afraid of Seven?

Why is Six Afraid of Seven?

We all know the answer right? Because seven ate nine.

But, do you know why seven ate nine? THAT is the important question. Well I dug far and wide to get the real story behind this mystery…

12 July 2009

Jefferson Lab — The numeral system has been thrown into utter chaos after the death of number 9, following an argument between him and number 7. According to numbers 4 and 5, 7 was talking to number 6 and 9 about a mathematical expression which Albert Einstein had developed in the year 1905. 7 disputed that Einstein’s expression for the transverse mass of a fast moving particle was incorrect and instead of the answer to the expression being \scriptstyle m/(1-v^2/c^2) he insisted that the answer should be \scriptstyle m/\sqrt{1-v^2/c^2}

Number 9 disagreed with 7 and believed that while 7’s argument was very convincing, the answer was originally correct with regards to the sum involving multiplication instead of the square root as Einstein had originally concluded. The discussion between 6,7 and 9 quickly turned into a heated debate, however when 6 was threatened by 7 for agreeing with 9, 6 got scared and decided to get multiplied by 2 and became 12 before returning to an easier trigonometry sum. Despite 7 proving 9 wrong through the use of Wikipedia, 9 continued to disagree by saying that Wikipedia is not a reliable source for information and that Uncyclopedia confirms that the answer is in fact \scriptstyle m/(1-v^2/c^2) . The debate between 7 and 9 eventually turned into a rather serious quarrel until 7 promptly ate 9, killing him instantly.

Artist's sketch of the attack
Artist’s sketch of the attack

When questioned about the incident, 7 stated that he did not intend to kill 9 and simply wanted to divide 9 into a lower, even number, but forgot that 9 was an uneven number too and would divide into a fraction, which would not work as a proper number within the numeral system. 9 was unable to remain a whole number and instead, 7’s poor attempt at division caused his sudden death.

Jefferson Lab staff fear that they will now have to find a replacement for number 9, whose memorial service is to be held in a historical math’s text book written by Euclid. Researchers are now working on turning 6 upside down in order to bring 9 back, seeing as 6 multiplied himself into 12 anyway. Whether this approach will work or not is unsure at this point in time, however in the meantime 7 has been sent for anger management treatment in a self-help guide book, and as punishment for his crimes he will serve time as an integer and has been forced to carry a minus sign (-) in front of his name for two months.

Number 8 was unavailable for comment.

Source

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

Stage #1 — Smart

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject. You
know all and greatly wish to express this knowledge to anyone who
will listen. At this stage you are also always right. And of course
the person you are talking with is very wrong. You will talk for
hours trying to convince someone that you are right. This makes for an
interesting argument when both parties are “smart”. Two people talking,
in fact, arguing about a subject neither one really knows anything
about, but are convinced that they are they complete authority on the
subject makes for great entertainment for those get the opportunity to
listen in.

Stage #2 — Handsome/Pretty

This is when you are convinced that you are the best looking person in
the entire room and everyone is looking at you. You begin to wink at
perfect strangers and ask them to dance because of course they had been
admiring you the whole evening. You are the center of attention, and all
eyes are directed at you because you are the most beautiful thing on the
face of the earth. Now keep in mind that you are still smart, so you can
talk to this person who has been admiring you about any and all subjects
under the sun.

Stage #3 — Rich

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can
buy drinks for the entire bar and put it on your bill because you surely
have an armored truck full of your money parked behind the bar. You can
also make bets in this stage. Now of course you still know all, so you
will always win all your bets. And you have no concern for how much
money you bet because you have all the money in the world. You will also
begin to buy drinks for all the people in the bar who are admiring you
because you are now the smartest, prettiest, and richest person on the
face of the earth.

Stage #4 — Bulletproof

You can now pick fights with the people you have been betting money with
because you cannot be hurt by anything. At this point you would go up to
the boyfriend of the woman who had been admiring your beautiful self
all evening and challenge him to a battle of wits for money. You have no
worry about losing this battle of wits because you know all, have all
the money to cover this bet, and you obviously win a fight that might
erupt if he looses.

Stage #5 — Invisible

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do
absolutely anything because no one can see you. You can get up and dance
on a table; you can strip down to your underwear, to impress the people
who have been admiring you all evening, because the rest of the people
in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person whom
you have picked a fight with earlier in the evening. You can walk through
the streets singing at the top of your lungs (because of course you are
still smart and know the tune perfectly) and no one will think anything
of it because they can’t see you. All your social inhibitions are
gone. You can do anything, because no one will know.

And you certainly won’t remember !

The AD that is Causing Epic Wedgies and Getting Panties in a Bunch

OK, so I finally got to see the Dean Barrow AD that everyone is getting their panties all bunched up and giving themselves Super Wedgies over.

People are getting tired of Political Bullshit. People are starting to practice their Constitutional rights of freedom of speech. People are starting to act out in the way that Dean Barrow himself edged people to do before they won the last elections.

Civil Unrest he called for.  Anybody memba dat?

As I always say …  Be careful what you wish for you just might get it. Give people power and they will use it.

I have heard and seen worst things by politicians in the past. Families being slandered, party supporters being attacked and their persona damaged and worst.

Continue reading “The AD that is Causing Epic Wedgies and Getting Panties in a Bunch”

H2O: Dangerous Chemical

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

  1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
  2. it is a major component in acid rain
  3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
  4. accidental inhalation can kill you
  5. it contributes to erosion
  6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
  7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

  • Forty-three (43) said yes,
  • six (6) were undecided,
  • and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

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True Frienship

Robert Gold Bartender
Image via Wikipedia

These two guys have been friends since forever. Every day after work they swing by the local bar and have a drink then head home. They make a promise to each other that if one dies, the other will continue the tradition and take drinks for both of them.

Years go by when one of the guys walks into the bar and starts drinking all the while ordering two drinks but his friend was not there. The bartender walks over and asks what’s going on. The guy explains the promise and tells him that his friend had passed away.

After about a year of coming to the bar and having two drinks one day the guy only orders one drink and leaves. This continues for about a week when the bartender walks over and asks. “Hey man, I thought you made a promise to take a drink for your friend. What happened, did you break your promise already?”

The guys answers.. “No, I stopped drinking. This one’s for my friend.”

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